"Oh, pretty please Muslim fascists, please don't blow us up or kill us or infiltrate our western society with your backwardness and tribalism. Oh please, Muslim fascists, I promise I will act more like a woman and walk three feet behind my husband when I can, and I promise, I will set aside one day a year to ask all women regardless of their faiths to wear a burka so that we can all improve our open-mindedness and diversity as a nation. I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that female genital mutilation is covered in my universal health care program, and most of all I promise with all my heart, I will help you destroy the legitimate and sovereign nation of Israel by dividing the Jewish Holy City of Jerusalem in order to establish a neo-theocratic terror-state at her borders, because my husband, Bill Clinton, former president of the United States loved Islam so much, and I intend to follow in his, um, righteous footsteps, but three feet behind them, of course. Sniff. Sniff."