April 22, 2007

Spring sadness

As I sit here, typing and staring at the white background of this as yet incomplete post, I hear birds chirping. It is spring. It is life. It is a reawakening. And it is on days like this when I miss my dearest, kindest father, and think of how lonely my mother is now, my mother who loved both her children, yet was abberantly abandoned by her son - my brother - because he married a shallow and selfish woman.

Now, because of my brother's decision to remain with this woman, my mother and I have been placed upon the sacrificial altar in order to appease the self-absorbed woman he has chosen to stay married to.

And now both my mother and I are disregarded.

Watching how relationships deteriorate, how families disintegrate over time have always victimized me into a paralysis and now, I am left heart-broken.

There is no redemption in my brother's eyes. He sees only his pain, no one elses.

But I am not lost. I am married to the most wonderful person one could have ever hoped to have married.

And although I am ashamed to admit my reticence about this, I do claim that B"H is in control, even though of late, I have felt otherwise.